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What’s Your Date-Zone?

25 May

World, we need to talk. Something is quite off and I believe I know percisely what it is. A ‘world-affairs-eureka-moment’ if you will. I will skip the extensive scientific research and methodology which got me to my forthcoming ground-breaking discovery; you just have to trust me on this one.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are separeted by date-zones. Yes, that’s right, just like we have different timezones, we also have different date-zones. Now you were not alive back when homeboy who said the world is flat got laughed at, nor perhaps when they put a man on the moon (It happened. they didn’t photoshop it, there was no photoshop back then, duh!) But you are here today, alive and witnessing all that is happening. This is your chance to subscribe to this ‘theory’ early on and become a pioneer of world-affairs theory (look for this major in a college near you soon.)

You see, we are all perfectly acquainted with the variability of time-zones across the world, even children understand it. Yet people seem to think we all live in the exact same date-zone even  though all evidence points to the contrary. What evidence? Allow me to elaborate: It is presumably 2011 worldwide*, yet a woman in Saudi Arabia is jailed by an unjust King because she operated a motor vehicle. Young men across the Arab World are reported missing and enduring M-rated (M for Medieval) torture chambers, even ordered to die because they disagreed with a dictator. There is no way it is 2011 in this region, while it is simultaneously 2011 in say, Canada. No way. Have you seen Gaddafi? He’s got 1600s written all over him.

This concept of date-zones is spanking new, albeit already rationally irrefutable. the only plausible adjustment is that perhaps 2011 is the average year taken from all the different date-zones of the world now. I will investigate this and let you know–where is Einstein when you need him right?

At this point, we can either adjust our calendars, or really prove we all live in 2011 by striving for acceptable universal human rights for all of us. Please don’t be the annoying guy at college lectures and insist that the concept of universality of human rights is ethnocentric, flawed, bla bla bla. No, you either let all women drive in 2011 or you change your calendar. Either way, something’s gotta give.

*Additional scientific proof that it is not 2011 worldwide: Rapture, FGM advocates, some people still use PC/IE, etc…

Sudanese Halloween Costume!

30 Oct

Happy Halloween everyone! Yes yes I know, that’s so American, that’s so Haram, that’s so bla bla bla. I love Halloween, and I put those anti-Halloweeners in the same category as teacher’s pets, snitches, bed-wetters, necrophiliacs, and party-poopers (well, anti-halloweeners would be a sub-category of party-poopers.)

Anyway, the one thing I dislike about Halloween is seeing girls using it as an excuse to be slutty. Therefore, this Halloween, I decided to combat this phenomenon, by dressing up as the un-sexiest, scariest thing I could think of……

A Sudan TV anchorwoman! Boo!

Scarier than Freddy

Are you celebrating Halloween? What are you going to be?

Eid Is Cancelled This Year

18 Aug

First of all Ramadan Kareem to all of you that are fasting. I hope you enjoy this Ramadan because unfortunately that’s where the party ends this year since we’re probably going to have to cancel Eid. I mean, with all the commotion we Muslims have caused in the US due to our brazen and tacky idea to build a mosque in near Ground Zero. Seriously we’re shameless. I mean YEARS after 9/11 and we want to build an Islamic Center? Rude. Just totally tasteless.

This is why, not to add insult to injury, we must cancel Eid this year, since it might fall on sept 11th (no pun intended.) I mean it’s really too soon for Muslims to be happy on that day. I mean really have we no shame?

And for those of you Muslims who are born on Sept 11th, I suggest you stop being inconsiderate and change your birthday. We don’t want to see you celebrating on that day. Especially if you have a beard. Oh and if your name is Osama or Mohammed, just die of shame now and help us save face. You know what, why don’t you change your birthday to December 25th? That is an acceptable date to receive gifts.

Oh people of US and A. You are silly. And I am glad to be in a Muslim country during Ramadan for the first time in years!

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

27 Feb

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford commencement speech one of my favorite speeches ever. I listen to it every once in a while and it helps me put things into perspective, so I highly recommend that you listen to it intently. The speech in its entirety is fantastic; but, here are a few of my favorite quotes:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path and that will make all the difference.”

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith… You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

And my favorite part of the speech:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Watch the whole thing (highly recommended) here:

More Hilarity from Arab Leaders

28 Nov

This time, its the Libyan leader Muammar Al-Gaddafi. Whenever Gaddafi speaks, I usually prepare myself for the absurdity that will surely ensue. Most of the time, I can’t tell if he’s purposely being ridiculous and secretly testing how many idiots will agree with him, or he’s just outright inane. This ’07 video however is proof that he’s got a great sense of humor, because I am sure he’s not serious.

Qatar’s Museum of Islamic Art

22 Nov

I love Qatar for many reasons and have great respect for its people, culture, and leaders. I also love the Doha Debates, Qatar Foundation, Shafallah Center, Qatar Open, and most importantly, Qatar’s commendable foreign policy. There is yet another reason I can add to my “Why I love Qatar” list, which is: The Museum of Islamic Art. The museum houses the world’s largest Islamic art collection, at over one thousand artifacts. Check out Aljazeera’s coverage of the museum’s unveiling ceremony, which was attended by one thousand dignitaries from around the world. Fantastic!

Side note: I wonder how much money it took to ‘lure‘ renowned architect I.M. Pei out of retirement.

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