1) Toyota Corolla: Sudanese and their White Corollas. I have two words for those of you who own a Corolla: WHY? and FADA7TONA!
2) Weddings: Alright Azza, Ma3azza, Nafisa, and Nibras, we need to talk. Please stop competing for the best wedding. How about compete to be the best wife and future Mom? I’d suggest not competing with other girls but that’s almost as radical as suggesting not using Fair and Lovely. While we’re at it, is it just me or does every Sudanese bride look the same on her wedding day?
3) Light Skinned people: Let’s not go there.
4) Rainy days: People pray, people rejoice, children pray, and the streets are moist. At the end of the day, everything goes yucky, and water everywhere turns to murky. Yes it’s supposed to rhyme. And thanks for noticing. PS I hate rain.
5) Ice Cream: No I don’t want to go out to eat Ice Cream. Why? Because I do not respect ice cream enough to get dressed up and get in a Corolla just to get some. I respect Ice Cream enough to eat it in Sandwich form while doing other activities. Yum Ice Cream Sandwiches.
6) Sudanese dancing: Listen, I’m not ‘Shatra’ and no I don’t want you to teach me that shoulder shake move you’re so proud of. The ‘induced seizure’ look isn’t really my thing. I’ve got news to all of you Sudanese party animals, you all look the same, which is to say, you all look like you are just standing there either clapping or snapping your fingers (read: snappin’ yo fingaz.)
1) The Sun: An Ode to the Sun
Ahhh the Sun.
How many civilizations have honored you and
how many people worship(ped) you
Yet in Sudan, everyone complains about you
And runs away… away from you.
Okay that’s not really an Ode but you get the point.
2) Nubian Language: It pains me to even discuss how this language is ignored and undervalued.
3) Mughtaribin (Diaspora): If only Sudan knew how to leverage it’s country’s highly educated diaspora with a lot of high net worth individuals. They need a major PR campaign to get those Sugar Daddies to invest in Sudan.
4) Southern Sudanese: Watch them get their own country and show us who’s boss.
5) Sun Block (SPF 1000+) In a climate like Sudan’s, and the lack of shadows from skyscrapers, you would at least think people might prioritize Sun Block? Maybe they think it is impossible for black people to get skin cancer? Maybe they have never heard of skin cancer? Because as we all know, cancer in Sudan only happens to people in awkward body parts. Scenario: Awataf ma jaha Saratan fil Sador*. (Editorial note, we all know Sudanese people have a much more embarrassing name for breasts.)
6) Hilomur: I wish they served this delicious drink at every house instead of Pepsi. If I’m going to be forced to drink something at each house I visit, I at least would like a caffeine-free option. [honorable mention to Karkade as an acceptable alternative]
What do you think is overrated or underrated in Sudan?