Archive | November, 2012

The Real Reason We Got Bombed By Israel

4 Nov

Generally speaking, sweeping generalizations are not entirely true. However, I’m going to make one giant sweeping generalization about the root cause of all, yes all, of Sudan’s problems, and it’s entirely true, trust me. Ladies & gentlemen, the cause of all our woes is: compulsive hoarding. Which is afranji/infedili for: karoar كرور

Allow me to explain how I’ve gradually and over the years reached this eureka moment. During every visit to Sudan, I noticed that people complain about dust or alkatta7a. Most people in Sudan are coated with a thin membrane of dust that gives them a matte finish (by the way, the matte finish is very trendy these days, for cars though not for people.) Inside of houses, the dust problem is compounded as you can clearly see the dust of today, yesterday, and yesteryear congregating over furniture and lurking in every corner of Sudanese homes, no matter how clean. Gradually, I started noticing that dust is collecting over a massive heap of stuff. Every house has a massive heap of stuff with dust. Useless stuff, but year after year, when I make the ziyarat rounds, I notice the same heaps in the same houses collecting the same dust.

It baffles me that everywhere in Sudan there’s pile of… something. Tops of wardrobes in bedrooms are stacked with suitcases stacked with items probably circa British colonialism (AKA  your mother’s mini-skirts and your father’s Charleston pants.) The most important part of every Sudanese home is Al ma5zan, which is usually someone’s room converted into a storage for piles of useless stuff that’s been hoarded since the beginning of time. Or it’s the deep freezer in the kitchen with some leftover kamoniyya from 7 Eids ago.

If you are in doubt that hoarding is a major epidemic in Sudan, walk down the streets of Khartoum and look up at balconies: so much useless clutter. Or better yet stand for 10 minutes in front of Khartoum airport carousels, for any incoming flight, and see the amount of hoarded crap that’s constantly being hoarded into the country.

Why is this so disconcerting? Sudan is drowning in karoar and garbage. On top of that we’re suffocating on dust. And last but not least, it’s the hoarding of anything and everything that has recently gotten us bombed by Israel. Therefore, I hold karoar epidemic responsible for the Israeli bombing of the karoar in Yarmouk, Malaria, the loss of several children who had gone missing between piles of karoar, and every plane crash that was attributed to foul play by the government or incompetence of Sudan Airways, where the real reason was probably an overload of karoar, and last but not least, holding on to a government of karoar for so long.