Tag Archives: Sudan

5 Sure Tell Signs Your Dictator Is Just Not That Into You

22 Nov

1- He’s Cheating On You With Another Country
You’ve caught him sending gifts of say, 20,000 sheep, to the lovely country next door, whom you’ve always suspected he has a crush on. This is especially hurtful after you’ve boycotted meat because of high prices. You also suspect something bad is going on with a certain Asian country.

2- He Never Listens To You
He’s never there for you when you need him, even though he really has no where to go since Ocampo put him on lock down, so technically, he should have more time for you, but he doesn’t. He has never let you vote on any major or minor decision that affects your future. He has made it clear that your opinion does not matter, and not only that, that he will not tolerate any opinion of yours that conflicts with his.

3- He Hates Your Family
You’ve begged him to get to know your family members better, but he’s been at war with them since the relationship started. Finally, they decided to abandon you and him in a referendum in July 2011. And the zinger? They didn’t even ask you how you felt about it. The whole thing was traumatizing for you but you could swear you heard him mumble ‘fi siteen dahya’

4- He Keeps His Finances Separate
You have been together for over 20 years, however, he still keeps a separate bank account off shore and you are not allowed to even ask about it. He has seen you struggling with your finances, barely making ends meet, yet he refuses to chip in.

5- He Is Physically And Verbally Abusive
At first, you put up with his verbally abusive ways because it was generally directed towards others, sometimes you even felt like he was just trying to protect you. When he told others they are ‘under his shoe’ you questioned yourself but let it go. However, he started being verbally abusive towards you telling to you to lick your elbow and making so many vows (not of the happy matrimony kind) and there’s no stopping his threatening. To add insult to injury, or rather, injury to insult, he is physically abusive towards you whenever you disagree with him.

If your dictator exhibited one or more of the aforementioned signs, it’s time to give him the boot. Find someone who values you. You’re worth it.

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2nd Abyei Poll: Misseriya Votes

25 May

Abyei Poll

25 May

What’s Your Date-Zone?

25 May

World, we need to talk. Something is quite off and I believe I know percisely what it is. A ‘world-affairs-eureka-moment’ if you will. I will skip the extensive scientific research and methodology which got me to my forthcoming ground-breaking discovery; you just have to trust me on this one.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are separeted by date-zones. Yes, that’s right, just like we have different timezones, we also have different date-zones. Now you were not alive back when homeboy who said the world is flat got laughed at, nor perhaps when they put a man on the moon (It happened. they didn’t photoshop it, there was no photoshop back then, duh!) But you are here today, alive and witnessing all that is happening. This is your chance to subscribe to this ‘theory’ early on and become a pioneer of world-affairs theory (look for this major in a college near you soon.)

You see, we are all perfectly acquainted with the variability of time-zones across the world, even children understand it. Yet people seem to think we all live in the exact same date-zone even  though all evidence points to the contrary. What evidence? Allow me to elaborate: It is presumably 2011 worldwide*, yet a woman in Saudi Arabia is jailed by an unjust King because she operated a motor vehicle. Young men across the Arab World are reported missing and enduring M-rated (M for Medieval) torture chambers, even ordered to die because they disagreed with a dictator. There is no way it is 2011 in this region, while it is simultaneously 2011 in say, Canada. No way. Have you seen Gaddafi? He’s got 1600s written all over him.

This concept of date-zones is spanking new, albeit already rationally irrefutable. the only plausible adjustment is that perhaps 2011 is the average year taken from all the different date-zones of the world now. I will investigate this and let you know–where is Einstein when you need him right?

At this point, we can either adjust our calendars, or really prove we all live in 2011 by striving for acceptable universal human rights for all of us. Please don’t be the annoying guy at college lectures and insist that the concept of universality of human rights is ethnocentric, flawed, bla bla bla. No, you either let all women drive in 2011 or you change your calendar. Either way, something’s gotta give.

*Additional scientific proof that it is not 2011 worldwide: Rapture, FGM advocates, some people still use PC/IE, etc…

Sudanese Halloween Costume!

30 Oct

Happy Halloween everyone! Yes yes I know, that’s so American, that’s so Haram, that’s so bla bla bla. I love Halloween, and I put those anti-Halloweeners in the same category as teacher’s pets, snitches, bed-wetters, necrophiliacs, and party-poopers (well, anti-halloweeners would be a sub-category of party-poopers.)

Anyway, the one thing I dislike about Halloween is seeing girls using it as an excuse to be slutty. Therefore, this Halloween, I decided to combat this phenomenon, by dressing up as the un-sexiest, scariest thing I could think of……

A Sudan TV anchorwoman! Boo!

Scarier than Freddy

Are you celebrating Halloween? What are you going to be?

Exclusive Interview with the Sudanese Ambassador to the United States

25 Mar

Fellow Sudanese blogger Drima and I were fortunate enough to get a chance to interview Dr. Akec Khoc, the Sudanese Ambassador to the United States. Dr. Akec Khoc is a former exiled physician who was has spent years treating refugees in camps in Ethiopia and has a long record in health care advocacy for the displaced and marginalized peoples of Southern Sudan.

The interview is currently exclusively available on Drima’s blog, ‘The Sudanese Thinker’. Click here to listen to it.

We encourage the mainstream media to use this interview, provided that they appropriately credit Sudanese Optimist and The Sudanese Thinker as their source.

Guess Who’s Not In Sudan?

23 Mar

Al-Bashir. The recently indicted president made his first trip outside Sudan to travel to Eritrea.

Ouch. The ICC’s feelings must really be hurt.